Lifeinthekeyofme

And I feel like I’m spiraling out of control at the moment. Remember when you dream that you’re falling and you wake up with your heart in your throat and you’re breathing in panic mode? That’s me everyday recently. So many back and forth in my mind about what is next. I have an upcoming birthday that is just haunting me, and I’m over the whole “age” thing but I just think it stinks that for the most part that day will be spent alone. I’m too new to the city to really have a “birthday weekend”. I’m considering going on some type of trip but I really can’t afford to spend money on a weekend getaway when I’m in the process of moving out and into a new place.

It’s time like these that I miss my car and Target (bummer)

What’s getting me through these anxiety ridden days? Laughter

Saturdays are becoming the new “Sunday” for me. Which means that I do not go out at night and stay in and embrace the softness of a pillow and pajamas. I kept looking out waiting for rain to come down (cloudy skies) so I could enjoy some coffee while sitting near the window. I was going for a emo/goth theme here, but so far no rain. I went and had a manicure and a (gasp) pedicure! As those who know me well (and intimately)-I am really against anyone touching my feet.

So why was this day, August 22nd different?

Well I don’t know Chinese, which is basically why I ended up getting a manicure AND pedicure. During the manicure the lady was so nice, and trying to converse me about something that I could not decipher. I decided to just nod and say “yes” and smile with most of her expressions. Turns out that during the “conversation”, she asked if I wanted a pedicure.

I was a little taken back when she finished and led me by the hand to the opposite side of the salon, and onto a pedicure chair. That’s when it hit me and I thought “SHIT”.  It gets even worse for me, because during the pedicure, she asked if I wanted an extra 10 minute massage (on feet) and I smiled and said “yes” because I had no idea what she was asking. I guess I’m glad she didn’t ask if I wanted a Brazilian…

2 years ago I came to San Francisco to start anew. It seemed like a big risk with lots of potential.  I arrived on July 2nd, 2007, which was also the same day I had ever set foot in San Francisco (yeah, I was sheltered). In that short day (I arrived around 6pm), I realized that Ingelside was not really San Francisco, and that Ocean Beach was COLD. In the 24 months since then, I have made incredible friends, had ups & down in life (and work) and now know where I truly want to end up someday.

Yes, someday…I will be back but  TODAY I am leaving SF which the eventual destination of New York City. I’m scared as shit, yes, even at 35. But that’s how I pretty much felt when I moved here, and look how that turned out

Wish me luck

and thank you friends

Roman

It must have been funny to someone up there (God, John Belushi, or whomever is manning Heaven these days). Almost immediately after someone makes a comment about my constant Facebook updating, I get silenced.

So the story goes like this

My smart ass friend Gina (@snosberry on twitter), who I’ve known since summer school (1991) decided to make a comment (smart ass) about my Facebook updating velocity. I synch up my Twitter feed to my Facebook status, and thus the “constant updates”.

visual reference:

So I basically told Gina to kiss it. After that comment (at 7:33pm), I fell asleep while watching TV. I had made plans to attend a concert with my friend Kasey around 9pm, so I set an alarm, etc so I wouldn’t oversleep. When I work up, I realized that I had about 20-30 minutes before I needed to leave the house, so I decided to go walk the dog.

Now for those of you who know me, you know that I do not have a dog (see where I’m going with this?). My roommate volunteered to babysit her friend’s dog for a week. Since I’m a kind person (and unemployed), I volunteered myself to take the dog out to do her “stuff” while exploiting the “cuteness” of the dog in attempts to meet single women during the day (granted, they were probably unemployed as well).

So back to the story, I decided to take Tootsie (yup, that’s her name) out one last time before I went out into the night. I was tempted to “tweet” about this, but knew Gina would give me crap, so I left the phone on the sofa, grabbed the “poop” bag, leash and car keys.

I locked the door behind me, closed it and then realized I had the car keys. Not to be confused with the HOUSE KEYS.

I locked myself out, with a dog and a bag to gather poop. I won’t go into the details of how I walked around the blocks for an hour trying to figure out my roommate’s phone number (sorry to the guy I called and interrupted his Lost watching). I ended up at Kasey & Ben’s house to wait it out, at least I had the car keys.

So basically I blame Tootsie:

And that is why I was tweetless in San Francisco for a few hours. And I’m traumatized.

I’m fully decompressed from the roadtrip with @sharpie33 and have a few reflections and thoughts:

• It will be a LONG while before my butt sits in my car for more than 40 minutes continuously
• sand is nice
• getting hit by a Frisbee hurts
• Fatburger is quite possibly the best burger joint in the world
• You know who your real friends are after 300 miles
• Ashley Tisdale’s version of “Last Christmas” is the second best version and makes a great road trip song

So now what? I am cleaning out my closet and sending all my eBay swag to @powersellingmom , I know she’d love the items as much as I did when I received them. I’m not throwing anything away, if anything, I’m paying it forward for re-use.

I’m heading to Phoenix in a few weeks to see my friends at Jimmie Johnson Racing, in addition some of my oldest friends and my Grandmother. I feel lucky to have this time off, even though it came due to a layoff. I’m getting to do things that I had no time for while still employed. I am commiting to continuing this even post “new job”, whenever and wherever that maybe.

Day 5 of the road trip and I’m having such a good time, amongst a hazy head due to quality beer consumption. Though admittedly I had a Miller Lite last nite as my “nightcap”, so I’m going to blame the headache on that (today).

My jaw hurts, and its because of all the laughter and smiling that’s been going on since we set off south. Makes me wonder why its been so long that I’ve continuously smiled and laughed and just been happy. Internally I’d like  to find someone to blame, so it doesn’t all fall on me. Honesty be present, I only have myself to blame.

But the sun is shining, and so is my outlook on everything that follows. Like Manny Ramirez says “that’s the past”

Its such a beautiful day, sun is shining and it’s about 74 degrees here in Santa Monica. We are planning to go to the beach, happy hour and a Tweetup all in one day. Who wouldn’t want to be us?

Took the train down to Cinque Terre , which was my first time at any “Riviera“, not counting the one on the Strip. I didn’t mess up the experience by being a tourist and buying keychains, I just saw on some rocks and started at the sea.

I accompanied it with a small soundtrack, as the sounds of the ocean were too cool to ignore for a long period of time:

Kite-U2

Estranged-Guns N Roses

Sometimes-James

Fuera De Mi-La Ley

I’ll let you read into the songs. I thought a lot about how I don’t get out to the ocean much in San Francisco, and that could be attributed to the lack of “life” I had in my work/life balance. Now that I’m unemployed, I will have more time to do so, but I also feel the next job has to have some boundaries (set by myself). Perhaps my biggest regret is that I gave so much to the last job that I never really appreciated the life that it gave me. Yeah, shitty, but at least I got to go to Italy. Thanks eBay

My last day at the office was this past Friday.  After nearly 6 year working for eBay, I was laid off  2 weeks ago. I was only 12 days away from my 6 year anniversary. I don’t really have any hard feelings, (well, white lie), but I’m ready to move on.  So what lies ahead? Not really sure, though I am going to be extremely selfish in these next few weeks and months. I’m not going to settle for anything, even in this economy. I want to  do things that I’m passionate about, period.

So to all my past colleagues, I will miss fighting over bagels on Wed, or sharing stories about who “dropped bombs” in the bathroom.

My only regret is that I wasn’t able to say goodbye to everyone, or to go all postal on people

(thanks to Chrissy for the suggested manner)

Is for a reason that I’m not ready to discuss yet. I’m trying to remain positive about the whole situation but for sake of keeping sane, I’ve told some people. I am looking to get inspired to do something radical and “not me like”. I’m organizing some trips and events:

• Road trip down Highway 1 and end up in San Diego/Tijuana
• Go to Opening Day at AT&T Park (April 7th) 1:05pm
• Visit family in Texas
• Go to Phoenix to attend the Subway 500 with my friends at the Jimmie Johnson Foundation
• Fly to NYC to see the new Yankee Stadium and visit my friend (and occasional therapist)

I’ll post more information on March 4th.